oxsunshiinexo

 I haven't updated in a long time, but since they blocked facebook here at SCT, I have a feeling I'm going to be spending a bit more time on here.


I started working for a company back in the summer called SCT. They make electronic programmers for cars like Ford, GM, and Dodge that make them have better horsepower or fuel economy.
I started out as the receptionist, but due to my charm and ability to learn (lol), I've been added to the sales department as a sales representative. Yay me.
I've made a few friends here; Everyone is overall very nice.

I working on my second Fall semester at UCF.
Taking all online classes & they're fairly easy.
I have to make sure that I keep up with due dates; I've missed a couple of due dates because I forget or don't put them in my calendar.
I think online is so much better than going to campus and going to long, boring lectures.

Mark & I have been together for a little over 5 years now.
We don't get to spend as much time together as we'd like, but we're happy.
We got a puppy and her name is Maggie.
I think she's something that brings us together, like a child.

Anyhow, this was just a quick update. 

I gotta say I love them.



At least I'm not a PSYCHOTIC bitch!! :)

Ugh... I love you.

It doesn't matter how much one person loves another. It will never work if that other person doesn't love equally in return.

Lol...

Mark & I ... are a couple again.
It's a long and complicated story.


I'm hanging out at karate now ... with the good ol' pal Jose.
Went through some previous entries.


Finished Sping semester of college.
It was a challenge.


I'm moving back home! yay me.

tata.

I drew one side of the heart on the windshield... and he drew the other side.

yay.


<3

I am the most idiotic person around.
I am trying to listen to the people around me, but I can't seem to...

At the rate I'm going... and the stuff I'm doing, I'm never going to get you back...

I need to STOP.
But to not have you be a part of my life... would be very difficult.

I understand that I've lost the love of my life... && now I might lose my best friend.

YUCK.

I hate growing up.
I hate him.

:(

Is a mess...







I tried calling him tonight... just to see how his day was.
I'm sorry I did that.
Because I regret it now.
I think he answered... and hung up... without saying anything.

I start counseling Monday.


I really am a piece of shit.

UPDATE: ...like i LOVE you.

My life has completely flipped in a week.
He stopped telling me he loves me, he stopped calling to say goodnight...
He said that he wasn't going to change the myspace, but it's changed...
"I love her so much."
In a week???
4 years is love...
He must have stopped loving me a while before he left me...
Maybe that's my problem... I did everything under the sun for him, but isn't that what love is?
Someone told me I need to find out who I am without Mark, but I really don't know who that is...

I don't want attention... I just want him...

It took him a week to get over me... but it's going to take me a lot longer than that.

What have I ever done in my life to deserve this?

Why can't I just get mad at him?

How do you like...

sleeping alone?
no one massaging your shoulders?
no one scratching your back/butt?
no physical stuff?
no one to get you a glass of water?

Did you know you're everywhere.
I downed three bottles of smirnoff last night, until my aunt and uncle told me to stop.
I went on a spree, tearing everything that reminded me of you off of my walls in my room at my house.
You paper you wrote me that says "I love you."
You're Valentine's Brochure
You're childhood picture
The first pictures we took in that picture booth
All the sign that said "Kristin and Mark Forever"
Everything that reminded me of you.
I haven't gotten to my dorm yet.
I have the calendar you made me
Your football picture.
The Giddy up sign
The Homecoming Picture of me and you
The Prom Picture of Me and you.
THe picture of me and your dogs
The "I love mark" sign on my board.
Another picture of us in a frame

I took your ring off.
I wish you didn't like her.
I want this to be over now.
I have no one.

How do I get better once I've had the best?

First, I'm going to say sorry about always ranting about Mark.
It's what I do.


Why do I bother being nice?
It doesn't ever seem to come back to me...


Seems like all that's ever happened to me is losing people;
Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpas, Friends.
I can't lose him.
That's how I feel,
and I feel like that's what's keeping us together.


My mouse, Misty, died today.


However...
Let's think about some positive things in my life.
I got to talk to Rochelle, I get to spend some time with my aunt tonight, I'm at work, AND MOST IMPORTANT: I'VE LOST 10 POUNDS IN LIKE 2 WEEKS! KEEP GOING.
Anything else?!

Fuck you.
You piss me off so much.
I went down there to establish "Hey, I'm your girlfriend, you're mine"
No, that didn't work
Fuck you.
Why do I put up with you?
You decide "Hey, why don't I look at how much hotter that girl is than my girlfriend is"
Why couldn't you just fucking look at me and be like "Good baby, thanks, you're beautiful"
You don't even realize how shitty of a day I've had.
FUCK YOU

Uhhhh.
Doing good in my online government class, which I thought was going to be a lot harder than it actually is!

Trying to find roommates for an apartment, not going so well.

Mark and I are back to normal. Ithink.
But in my opinion, the two of them were flirting at karate again.

Added some people to skype, does anyone else have it?

Okay, later.

    If Kelly could go back in time to one minute in her life, she would go back to the minute before that car hit her mother. She would be there to stop her mother from walking out in front of that car. She would change everything. Her mother wouldn't have a broken leg. She wouldn't have several broken ribs. She wouldn't have fallen into the windshield, shattering it to pieces, rolled over the car and then fallen on the ground behind the car. Most of all, her mother wouldn't have brain damage--short term memory loss to be exact. If that car had never hit her mom, she probably would still be alive.

    The reality of it was that he will never forget her. If Kelly really loved him, she could stay with him and fight through that. She figured 'new year, new beginning, right?' Unfortunately, he didn't think the same way. Every now and then Kelly would look at his history, internet history, that is. One day ago it was on myspace. Two days ago, it was google... Christina Lavado 15. Kelly sees that and again thinks to herself, 'why would he got after a girl who is fifteen years old?' She'd asked herself this question many times. The boy was eighteen... eighteen means illegal. He doesn't mind that, though. Kelly knows that no matter what she does, she will never be good enough for John. She will never be as good as Christina.

Come what may...


Please...forget...about...her...




Quit searching for her.. please.